National Screenwriters Day

It is only befitting to pay tribute to the day by sharing the last edit on a short  I took up inspired by Aaron Sorkin’s master class. Then I found out that the assignment was to write a play on a public domain short story.  That was one time when it was most beneficial not to read directions thoroughly.  This script is for a music video and I hope you guys can make up the beat that goes with the lyrics here written, which are not mine but the artist’s.

It’s only 9 or ten pages long, and because the lyrics are written in, you can skip the lyrics if you want and just read the action and the dialogue. I would like to know if you think I should take out the last line in the last page and leave it hanging on a cliff and if you think that more backstory should be given. Leave your comment here.  Thank you in advance.  Blessings for the New Year; 2018 is the year of l take a stand.

Here is: D’s Story

FADE IN: EXT. CITY – SIDEWALK – DAY Footsteps on the sidewalk, keys in hand, DAVID, 20s, waiter, raps a song on the way to a sporty black car parked at the curb.

DAVID (V.O.) (rapping) Pass me that ‘gluck’ so I can get a buck, a mean frown stay on my face cuz I don’t give a fuck. Locked out in a ‘fro with a big fila coat 14 carat gold.

A step ahead of David, ASHLEY, 20s, waitress, gets in the passenger side of the black car.

DAVID (V.O.) (rapping) Smile and a bone around my throat. Gluck 19 tucked nicely down my fruit of the looms for them niggas that trick it in. I’m sticking up them tracks they boom.

INT. BLACK CAR David turns the ignition key and same rap song blasts on.

DAVID (V.O.) Shaking like a mothe fucka when I lock you down tight in tha chevy trunk with nothing but next to dig for yo life. Fool it ain’t no game the devil sent me Six in yo chest. Who’s next? no niceness in me. Tha killa’s up in my crew.

ASHLEY We’re late again.

EXT. BLACK CAR – CITY STREETS Follow black car zig zag on city traffic blasting rap song.

DAVID (O.S Fool it ain’t no game the devil sent me Six in yo chest. Who’s next? no niceness in me. Tha killa’s up in my crew.

MARIO’S RESTAURANT PARKING The black car pulls into Don Mario’s restaurant parking lot.

INT. BLACK CAR The engine and the rap song turn off. David takes a gun tucked under his belt and sticks it in the glove compartment.

ASHLEY You promised, David!

DAVID You never know when you’re going to need it.

EXT. DON MARIO’S PARKING LOT Ashley hurries inside. David lags behind. DAVID (V.O.) (rapping) I take no shit. Niggas you better run. We bout it bitch. No nigga dont play. We roll with automatics. Set up with the hoe shit. Nigga we gotta close shop. Juice on the bugler do a 9 leaving you hoes to rot. Big cam with a punk. Malekie with a attitude Smith and Wesson in his hand. Blow tha bitch out his shoes.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. RESTAURANT- NIGHT Lively Latin Restaurant PATRONS at linen tables.

WAITERS walk to and fro tables, kitchen, and bar.

Ashley, Hostess, leads a couple to their booth: SEAN, flashy with heavy gold cross, gold watch, holds NERY’s hand, 20s, in minidress.

SEAN’S BOOTH Sean and Nery sitting across from each other. NERY You promised! Sean takes the cloth napkin and slams it on the table.

SEAN C’mon baby!

David walks towards the table, pad in hand. Sean scurries next to Nery, puts his arm around her and whispers in her ear. She gives him a naughty smile and giggles taking his hand away from her crotch when she sees the waiter coming.

DAVID Good evening. Welcome. My name is David. I’ll be your server tonight. May I get you started with something to drink.

SEAN Yea, get me a 40 ounce. Nery nudges him in the ribs. NERY Sean… they don’t have that here.

DAVID We have wine by the glass and bottle; national and imported beers, draft, mixed drinks… If you need a minute to decide I’ll be right back. SEAN No, we don’t need no time. Baby, what you wanna drink?

NERY I’ll have a mimosa. DAVID What about you, sir? SEAN What about….you know… NERY Oh yea, right. Ginger ale please.

SEAN Bring me an IPA.

DAVID Would you like more time to order? SEAN I’ll have the palomilla steak with plantains and moros.

NERY The shrimp cocktail for me please. David takes note. DAVID Ok, any thing else…Can I have your menus please? Sean hands the menus to David.

FREEZE SHOT – MEMORY FLASH – A SCORPION TATTOO ON SEAN’S ARM. DAVID (CONT’D) (stutters) Thanks… Sean notices David’s nervousness. SEAN What’s wrong with that guy?

INT. BATHROOM. NIGHT David leans against the wall, closes his eyes, breathes heavily.

DAVID Motha fucka…

He splashes water on his face, looks in the mirror, puts his finger down his shirt and rubs a spot on his sternum. Sean walks in. He stops and he and David size each other up. Beat. David holds himself back and exits.

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

David spots DANNY, 40’s waiter, on his way to a table, and catches up with him.

DAVID Danny man, you gotta cover for me. I’m sick.

DANNY So am I, bro. Sick of covering for your sorry ass.

DAVID Thanks man, I owe you big time.

INT. CASHIER’S COUNTER – NIGHT Ashley enters data on the PC. David whispers in her ear. DAVID (whispering) Look at table 5.

ASHLEY Who is it? Ashley looks towards Sean’s table. A waiter comes with bills and credit cards.

ASHLEY (V.O.)(CONT’D) Your dream came true, now what? Ashley turns back looking for David but he’s gone.

INT. SEAN’S BOOTH Sean looks around nervously. He chugs his beer. Nery notices his nervousness.

SEAN We gotta go babe.

Nery sips her drink.

NERY Why, we just got here, I’m hungry.

SEAN Something came up, we gotta go.

NERY It’s her isn’t it!? NERY (CONT’D) That’s it! I’m done with you! SEAN Calm down, we can go someplace else to talk, I promise.

NERY You promise? Give me a break! I’m done with you, take your promises and shove them you know where, Sean, it’s Nery storms from the booth towards the front door exit.

INT. BLACK CAR David takes the gun and tucks it under his belt. His cell lights up with Ashley’s face. He turns it off.

INT. CASHIER’S DESK On her cell, Ashley turns her back to the counter.

ASHLEY He found him, or the other way around. I don’t know what he’s going to do. A waiter at the cash register insists.

WAITER (V.O.) Hey Ashley, I need that change, please.

INT. RESTAURANT – FRONT DOOR Sean catches up with Nery at the door and pulls her forcibly. Nery slaps him in the face.

NERY Let go! Restaurant waiter and patrons notice the wrangle.

SEAN Let’s get in the car!

The MANAGER, approaches them with the bill.

Nery shakes off Sean’s grip and walks out.

NERY (V.O.) I’ll find my own way home.

Sean pulls out a bill from his wallet and hands it to the manager. SEAN Keep the change.

EXT. RESTAURANT PARKING – NIGHT David ducks in his car watching the restaurant’s entrance.

Nery heads to the street on the phone. Sean gets in his BMW and drives slowly. David follows the BMW.

EXT/INT – STREET – CAR – NIGHT Sean slows down to the same speed Nery walks. Nery stops and gets in the car. Sean looks through the rearview mirror and notices the black half a block behind his BMW. He speeds up through traffic.

EXT. MCDONALD’S DRIVE THRU – NIGHT Sean pulls into a McDonalds drive thru and checks the rearview. The black car drives past McDonalds.

INT. SEAN’S BMW Nery’s crying in the front seat. NERY The only reason I got in her is because I forgot my wallet.

SEAN Sorry about the restaurant, do you want some chicken nuggets, or not?

INT. BLACK CAR David parks in a lot next to McDonald’s and calls a number. 20s, JOEY’s face on the phone.

JOEY You’re all bark.

DAVID I need your car. Catch up with me. Let’s switch, he knows this car. I’m on 135th and Miller.

DAVID’S POV – SEAN’S CAR HEADS NORTH. JOEY I’m not far. Coming up.

EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT David clicks off. The cell lights up Daryl’s face. DARYL Don’t do it, it’s not worth it.

DAVID Leave me alone, Daryl. I’ll do what I need to do.

INT. SEAN’S BMW Through rearview Sean spots the black car. He picks up speed, turns a corner and pulls up to a building.

SEAN I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ok?

NERY This is no life for a kid.

EXT. BUILDING VALET DRIVE THRU Nery slams the car door.

SEAN Call me! EXT. STREET CORNER David and Joey change cars.

INT. SEAN’S CAR Sean check rearview mirror. No black car. He sighs. Sean drives to the movie theatre and parks.

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE – BOX OFFICE – NIGHT Several size lines, Sean finds the shortest, and looks over his shoulder.

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE – SIDE ENTRANCE – David scurries from the parking to a side door, takes the stopper out and enters.

INT. MOVIE THEATRE KITCHEN The MANAGER, 30s woman, sees him and smiles. MANAGER What’s up D? You’re a bit early.

DAVID Hey Susie, catch you after the show. David takes a look at the pots and pans in the sink and grabs the company cap from a door under the sink.

INT. MOVIE THEATRE – COMMON COURT The ADMIN CLERK takes Sean’s ticket. Sean finds Hall entrance on the ticket stub and heads there.

David catches Sean’s back towards the Hall and follows.

Sean climbs to the top of the stairs. David climbs on the opposite side. Sean texts: “A f**n’ ghost is after me, can’t go home yet.” David crawls two rows behind Sean’s and sits behind Sean. Sean closes his eyes.

FLASHBACK – EXT. COMPLEX ENTRANCE – GATE – NIGHT Sean points gun on David’s chest. Back to scene. David points gun at Sean’s head.

FLASHBACK – EXT. COMPLEX ENTRANCE – GATE – Gun shot blast. David falls back in slow motion.

FADE TO BLACK.

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE – PARKING A group of noisy teenagers walks to window. David walks down the sidewalk to his black car.

DAVID (V.O.) (rapping softly) Fool it ain’t no game the devil sent me Six in yo chest. Who’s next? no niceness in me. Tha killa’s up in my crew. Sean pulls out in his BMW. FADE OUT.

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